Week 12 sees us back at Sun Devil for the visit of the St. Louis Rams, a team
we somehow managed to edge out a 2-point victory over earlier this season.
Actually, “somehow” isn’t quite right, I know exactly how it happened – Marshall
Faulk had a sixty-minute headfit and twice managed to turn the ball back over to
us after getting his team into surely-they-can’t-possibly-fail-to-score-ing
position.
Still, he’ll probably do that again this week. So nothing to worry about.
The Sheep sit at 6-4, a game ahead of us in the race for the wildcard. If they
win, that will pretty much eliminate us from the race, while a Cardinal victory
will get us right back in the hunt and hand us the tie-breaker over the
Baa-Lambs. Which’d be nice. So this is a big game. A BIG game. Oh yes.
A shootout has to be on the cards, here, given that the St. Louis have St.
Louis’ offence and we’ve got, er... what we’ve got. It’s not all bad news,
though, because the Sheep will be missing RT Kyle Turley, meaning that their
o-line looks very patchy and disjointed. Which’ll be a great comfort while Torry
Holt’s scoring his fifth touchdown of the game, I’m sure.
The stadium is packed. I mean, packed. To the proverbial rafters. It’s standing
room only at Sun Devil Stadium as the astonished Arizonians have come in their
droves to see the first Cardinals team in living memory that finds itself within
dwarf-tossing distance of a winning record. We lose the coinflip and the Rams
want to kick it away, which is fine by us because there’s a wicked wind
whistling in off the desert and we could do with that at our backs in the 4th,
thanks very much.
Confirming our reputation as crowd-pleasers, those fans who’re late to their
seats miss our opening drive altogether as we’re forced to punt after three
utterly ineffective plays. Marc Bulger has obviously been slugging cough
medicine before the game though, as he holds on to the ball for enough time for
several civilizations to rise and fall which, around about the third Industrial
Revolution, allows Raynoch Thompson to get there for the sack. Dexter Jackson
bats down a pass on 2nd down, and St. Louis go to that bloody tedious five-wide,
bet-you-haven’t-got-enough-defensive-backs-to-cover-everyone formation on 3rd.
Gits. The protection’s good, but miraculously so’s the coverage, Bulger clearly
never having seen zone defence before in his life. Just as the Aquarian Age
dawns he gets bored with waiting and launches a huge heave-ho down the sideline
toward Torry Holt but doesn’t get quite enough on it and Dave “No-Mark” Barrett
cuts inside and makes a nice interception at full stretch. With the Sheep in
full-on pass-wacky mode there’s no-one in front of him and the crowd are on
their feet as he trots 56 yards back for the game’s first touchdown. Did I
mention that turnovers cost them the first game? STL 0-7 ARI
Back to the old drawing board for the Sheep, and they suddenly remember that
when Marshall Faulk wasn’t dropping the ball in Week 4, he was running though
our front seven like they weren’t there. First play of the ensuing drive, and
Faulk takes the handoff, zips off the right tackle and just keeps going,
eventually getting corralled after a gain of 30. Ouch. But what’s that? A flag
on the play? Clipping? On Shaun McDonald, St. Louis’ rookie WR? Yes, I think
we’ll accept that, if you don’t mind. Heh heh heh. 1st and 25 then. Bulger to
Holt, 1 play, first down. Arse. But Shaun McDonald ensures his position as Mr.
Popular on the Sheep sideline as he lets a pass bounce off his hands on 3rd
down, and St. Louis punt away. Terry Fair brings the ball in, shimmies past the
pursuit and takes off down the left sideline - he has one man to beat to get
free into the open field but the tackler isn’t fooled by his stutter-step and
bundles Terry into touch on the Sheep 46.
The weakness of St. Louis’ defence is their undersized front 7, and that’s what
we get to work on. Marcel Shipp gets 7 carries for 32 yards, including the last
one, crashing over on 3rd and goal from the 1. Wahey! STL 0-14 ARI
Consistant pressure is a foreign concept to our defence, though, and with a bit
of time Bulger is capable of dissecting our secondary – 76 yards in 7 plays, 54
of those coming in two consecutive plays, first to Isaac Bruce then to Torry
Holt. Faulk gets in from a yard out, and the Sheep are right back in it. STL
7-14 ARI
Another score would be nice to give us a bit of a cushion against Mike bloody
Martz and his quick-strike offence. We can’t quite get it going, though, the
drive stalling around midfield when Bryan Gilmore is brought down just short on
an Official Down And Distance Of The Arizona Cardinals. The punt skews out of
bounds at the 29 and the Sheep have it back with a smidge under seven minutes
left in the half.
We’re living and dying by the blitz. When we can’t get to Marc Bulger, he’s
owning us, our secondary just nowhere near good enough to live with Holt or
Bruce. But Bulger seems to be channelling Drew Bledsoe, every so often just
standing shock-still for hours on end until someone hits him. Which is fun for
almost everyone involved.
We nab the Sheep’s third wideout, Kevin Curtis, inches short on the 3rd and
masses following a Russell Davis sack, and with the time ticking in the 2nd
quarter we’ve got it back at our 19. St. Louis are stacking the line to stop
Shipp, and that leaves them vulnerable to Johnno and Anquan’s burst out wide –
the two-minute warning finding us stationed at the opposition 42. Marcel goes
flying deep into the right side of the Sheep line... and the ball comes flying
back the other way. For the first time in living memory one of our players
manages to fall on the damn thing, but the 8-yard loss is too much to overcome
and we have to kick it away to one of the most dangerous two-minute offences in
the game. Nuts. Punt’s a good ‘un, though, chipped out of play at the Sheep 10.
The Sheep are caught in two minds as to whether to sit on the ball or try to
drive for a score. They run twice on the bounce, Lamar Gordon getting them the
first down at the second attempt, and call a timeout with 50 seconds to play in
the half. Out they come in that bloody five-wide set again, and a quick pass to
Kevin Curtis gets them an easy first down. Hurry to the line, and go again,
Bulger consciously making sure he doesn’t hang on too long – drop back, quick
look, fire to Shaun McDonald. Too quick a look, as it turns out, because somehow
he misses the hulking figure of Raynoch Thompson lurking underneath. Sweet pick
and we get the ball back at the Sheep 45, 39 seconds remaining. Heh.
Quick strike to the irrepressible Johnno to the 29, and we take our first
timeout. Now in figgie range, there’s still enough time for us to take a couple
of shots to nothing at the endzone. Come on! Out we come in our trusty 3-wide,
2-RB set, but the coverage downfield is pretty good and Blake instead checks
down to Marcel Shipp, who’s snuck out of the backfield and gone tiptoeing down
the sideline. Unfortunately Jeff pulls a Bulger – thinking the cover’s in man
when it’s actually in zone, and Aeneas Williams darts in underneath to pick the
pass off. Oh, and take it back 75 yards for the tying score. Arsecandles.
It’s all gone Cardinals. Half time - STL 14-14 ARI
-
Tighter than a Callista Flockhart’s knickers on a sumo wrestler, then, and if
we’ve got any pretensions toward sneaking into a wildcard spot, we’d sort’ve
better think about making a move now.
But first, let’s make it a bit more challenging so that our eventual win seems
even more impressive. Yeah! How can we do that, though? Oh, I know – let’s get
the Baa-Lambs to 3rd and 8 on their opening possession of the second half, then,
say... allow Marshall Faulk to make a catch? Well, that’s pretty good, but I
think we can do better – hey, let’s have Faulk cut inside two half-arsed tackles
then break a third and go 54 yards for the touchdown! By Jingo, I think we’ve
cracked it! STL 21-14 ARI
We put the full stop on it by going one-first-down-and-out, Scott “The
Hardest-Working Punter In Showbiz” Player launching another bomb that’s returned
out to the Sheep 35. But both offences have blown hot and cold all day, and this
time we’re in a phase of being able to get some heat on Bulger, who responds by
not being able to find an open Isaac Bruce on 3rd and inches and bringing the
St. Louis punt team back on. Terry Fair gets well clear of the bounce as the
ball pitches inside the 10 then dribbles agonisingly to a stop at our 2-yard
line. Fantastic.
We have to run it to get some breathing room, they know we have to run it and
it’s eight men in the box time. Aaah... but we’ve never been much for doing the
predictable, obvious, erm... right thing in a dangerous situation, have we? Jeff
Blake takes the snap and rolls out to his right with the Sheep pass-rush bearing
down on him like Ted Washington making for the last sausage on the buffet table.
The microsecond before he simply has to concede a safety, Blake releases on the
run to Marcel Shipp lurking in the flat who makes a great catch low down by his
ankles, pins his ears back and runs for it. 18-yard gain, first down, huge sigh
of relief. Bryan Gilmore, who’s been more and more involved in the offence as
the year’s gone on, makes a grab over the middle for 22 more, the crowd are back
into it and we’re driving. The Rams come out in a 4-6, a gambler’s defence –
good against the run, good for forcing turnovers, but oh-so-vulnerable to the
big play... Jeff Blake threads the needle through the zones to Johnno, who turns
away from the pursuit and runs for his life down the left sideline. The only
cover St. Louis have deep is free safety Jason Sehorn, who comes racing over
from his spot and is stride-for-stride with Johnson all the way down the field –
Sehorn finally decides to commit himself and dives to make the tackle at the
Sheep 5, but Johnno just shrugs him off and trots across the paint for a 59-yard
TD, our new longest play of the year for the benefit of our biggest crowd of the
season.
Bill Gramatica adds the point-after, and we’re all knotted up again with two and
a half minutes left in the third. STL 21-21 ARI
It’s a see-saw game and we’re back in the ascendancy. Following the kickoff, two
Sheep runs net them 6 yards, and on 3rd and 4 they come out in a goal-line set.
We’re not fooled, and sure enough Bulger fakes the handoff to Faulk then has to
throw the ball away as our pressure comes. The third quarter comes to an end
with another punt, a sack on first down giving us just too much ground to make
up, and St. Louis will have it at their 30 to start the final period.
The Sheep start steadily with a hand-off to Faulk up the middle... no! It’s a
play-fake, but as Bulger straightens and looks downfield he’s having to do it
with half our defensive line in his face. He catches a glimpse of Isaac Bruce
free down the right sideline and lofts it up toward him – but for once our
linebackers in the short zones haven’t bitten on the run-fake and Raynoch
Thompson gets up, up, up for the fingertip interception, his second of the game.
Thompson’s not exactly gazelle-like over the ground, but it takes a desperate
Marshall Faulk tackle to stop him taking it to the house. Even so, from the 12
they never look like keeping us out, blunt object Marcel Shipp doing the
business despite having tacklers hanging off him like kids on a climbing-frame.
STL 21-28 ARI
Is it time for Marshall Faulk yet? As in his first TD catch, there are three
Cards in position to tackle him, and just as I’m thinking that they can’t make a
worse hash of it than last time out, they prove me spectacularly wrong. This
time, not one of our defenders manages to so much as lay a hand on Faulk as he
cuts back inside them and turns on the jets – 62 yards, 9:39 to play in the game
and it’s still a squeaker - STL 28-28 ARI
Whoever’s got the ball last is going to win this kiddie, it seems. We beat the
blitz with a quick-in to Anquan Boldin, who bursts through an Adam Archuletta
arm-tackle and gains 36 yards into Ram territory. A holding penalty moves us
back out, but Johnno’s there for a 13-yard reception then Marcel grabs a handful
to bring us back into a position where a conversion is at least possible – 3rd
and 4. The Rams can’t afford to sell out against the run given how good Anquan
and Johnno have been at finding holes in the coverage this afternoon, and that
gives Marcel Shipp all the help he needs – hitting the hole like a rhino late
for an appointment, bouncing off tacklers, picking up 15 yards and a first down
at the 21, 7:44 to play. Marcel comes out for a breather, and in his stead the
NFL’s all-time leading rusher grabs eight yards with a patient run on the
counter, but runs smack into the pass-rush on the draw and leaves us facing 3rd
and 6. Criminy. It’s an almost certain field-goal, but I’ve a sneaking suspicion
that three points aren’t going to be enough. Two backs, three-wide, then, but
the Sheep have learnt their lesson and come out in a base 4-3. Blake drops back
and the rush is coming hard, but to do that St. Louis have had to put a
linebacker man-on-man with speedster Bryan Gilmore... Jeff sits tight, and
waits, and waits, trying to give Gilmore a chance to make his pace tell as the
blitzers get closer and closer. At the last possible second, he releases, the
ball hanging up in a delicate rainbow, receiver and defenders desperately trying
to get to the spot where it’ll fall - up goes Gilmore, his leap perfectly timed,
making the catch at his highest point... and getting absolutely HAMMERED by
Jason Sehorn on his way back down. Bryan tumbles head-first toward the
ground.... but hangs on to the ball. The packed crowd go absolutely
mental, and so do I - it’s a magnificent catch, and with just six minutes left
it’s STL 28-35 ARI
One of Scotty Player’s better kickoffs, downed in the endzone so the Sheep are
going to have to go eighty yards. They don’t manage eight – Manamaneula, the
tight end, the latest St. Louis receiver to pick up a bad case of the dropsies
and our run defence finally getting its act together to stuff Faulk on 3rd and
4. With just a smidge under five minutes still to play, Mike Martz doesn’t feel
he’s in four-down territory yet and sends out his punting unit. Terry Fair makes
his namesake catch at our 43, and this one’s not over just yet – we probably
need 2 first downs in order to be able to run the clock out.
We’re going to run, they know we’re going to run, so on 2nd and 5 the Sheep
stack 9 in the box, daring us to try and pass. I can’t resist a challenge, and
Blake stands up in the teeth of the blitz to put a bullet straight into Anquan’s
hands for 9 yards and, of course, the first down... but Blake is down, and
staying down. The fans’ roar of displeasure at the late hit dissipates into a
hush as the physios rush on, and some moments later Jeff is limping off the
field holding his throwing arm and in obvious pain. Oh, God. Here comes Josh
McCown. Still, with the 15 yards for the late hit by rookie LB Pisa Tinoisamoa
we’re already in decent field-goal range, so I yank Marcel and replace him with
the not-quite-as-effective but much more sure-handed Emmitt Smith. Sure enough,
given the fact that we have a complete plank under centre, the Sheep stop us,
but with the wind at his back Bill Gramatica knocks a 39-yard figgie right down
the middle and with two-and-a-half minutes left it’s a two-score game. STL
28-38 ARI
St. Louis really do have a decent offence when they can be bothered. Straight
down the field they go, my defence barely slowing them – 80 yards in 1:30,
capped off by Bulger getting about three months in the pocket to find the open
man and hitting Kevin Curtis in the endzone to cut our advantage to just a
field-goal. Criminy. This still isn’t done yet. But the onside kick
fails, and we see the game out with three kneeldowns by McCown, about the only
thing I can trust him to do properly. We’ve sneaked another squeaker in front of
a packed house and Lordy, if we don’t have a winning record for the first time
this season!
How long that’ll last is debatable, though, as the news comes up from the locker
room that Jeff Blake has sprained his right elbow and will be out for at least
three weeks. Brilliant. My offence is now being headed up by a man that’s about
as suitable for the job as Michael Jackson is to lead a Boy Scout troop. Still,
let’s take our enjoyment where we can get it, and where we can get it is STL
35-38 ARI - 6-5 on the year.
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(c) daniel
roe 2004
